the blog

the blog

thoughts & musings

love burt living || staying up late, loving life, renovating our home.

i stayed up until about 3 am this morning because i'm an idiot. 
i'm so tired today. i've worked for 5 hours at the computer screen and i don't think i've blinked. 

i had a full sunday off. we slept in since we didn't get home until midnight
saturday after working a full, lovely wedding day.
so sunday we failed at waking up for church and just drank all the coffee and just hung out. 
we had lunch together, ethan walked a table to our new best-friend-neighbor's house
and then when looking for stuff for our house. 
not to buy, so obviously we both came home with something. 
green pants and and man sweater for me. 
super swanky fall jacket for e. 

then last night i couldn't sleep because i was just too excited about the weekend's wedding.
so i had to stay up and edit a bit. 
i watched gilmore girls until late into the night, early morning. 
ethan was gaming so i was in bed alone. 
i was eating cheese and crackers, so tired, crumbs all over the bed and cat. 
and i was just thinking, i'm so delightfully tired,  i want to sleep so badly. but i also want to eat. 
i wish someone could feed me crackers and cheese so i could lay all the way down instead of propping myself up to eat. 

and then i realized, i really don't have any problems at all. monkey covering eyes emoji. 

i'm not a relaxed person at all. i like control, i like things and timing to make sense. 
these are not necessarily bad qualities. 
but i've slowly been becoming a less and less delightful
version of myself for a couple of years now.

i think you need to be at least part crazy to run your own business, so at least i have that going for me. but i do need to chill out and learn how to relax a bit.

i'd say i'm getting better because i'm eating cheese and crackers in bed and relaxing to the max. 

ethan's so good for me. 
he tells me when i'm changing for the worse, and he encourages the parts of me that stay good. 

we're learning a lot. i'm changing a lot. 
i can't do it all. and i have to say no sometimes. and for a while. 

once i started to say no a little bit, i would then pile up the list that needed to be rescheduled since i had said no for while. and so then relaxing never happens. i'm concerned that i'll hurt people. that i'll be too consumed with my work and not enough with friendships. 
but i know that's not the case because God has called me to this career. 
and to friendships. 
it's not one or the other, it's just learning how to deal. 

so i'm excited to make it all work. 
but i'm not there yet. 
God is working in me.
i need to change my crazy anxious heart into a relaxed, wise one. 

and for more exciting news,
we're working on our home! 
we are sort of completely nomads. we weren't ever sure we'd stay in this home. 
we can live pretty much anywhere. except the spider apartment of year one. heww.

we know we're called to danville but didn't feel anything about the house in particular. 
we've tried to make the house part studio, part home. 
we've made plans. 
we've changed our minds. 
we've been gone for months at a time for work. 
it's all fun, but it's a little crazy for me to handle. 

so we really prayed about it and thought about it for months and made the decision to stay in this home! we love it. it's a great home. we got it for a great deal. we love our neighborhood. 
it's going to be stellar. 

i will be sharing the fun. 
it'll be very spread out. 
running a photography business and fixing a home is nuts. just like probably any other job and fixing a home! so we're not in a hurry. when i say we i mean ethan.
i, actually am always in a hurry.

it's so us. the plans are fun to make. the dreaming keeps us up at night smiling in bed, thinking of where the record player will go and the new trim. what kind of island to build for the kitchen.
 the parties we'll host and the heartbeats that are helping us create this place with us. 

menards ran out of paint. 
and we don't know anything about keeping plants alive. 
thankfully we're getting landscapers! 
so here we are. 
i'm crazy about my stonewall jackson grey wall. 
and my $10 giant mums that i will try to keep beautiful. 
also, high waisted pants are the bomb. i think. h&m gets it.