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the blog

thoughts & musings

cozy winter land | books and coffee | chubby baby hands


i’m finally getting the hang of motherhood enough that i can sort of read a book while mom-ing! this is a huge accomplishment for me. and was a huge goal since he was born. i LOVE to read. i love book club, i love reviewing books, i love writing about what i’m reading. i love being inspired by words. and i hope to write my own book one day. getting more serious about that last sentence. i’ve even set a deadline for myself. YIPES.

but since this little adorable bebe boy was born, reading has been impossible. i can’t think, i can’t get through a sentence without him needing me, i’m too tired to even want to read when he sleeps. the list goes on. but we are getting some what of a routine, slowly, and i am able to pick up some books again! i read an entire one for book club, huzzah! i’ve got a science-y, health nut book i’m reading and then ethan and i began this francis chan gem together that i decided i wanted to spend some time in this morning.

jack has been fussy for no good reason lately making him a little cranky cutie butt. he breaks my heart when he withdraws and i don’t know how to soothe him. currently only one boob will fill up with milk and the other is just done working. over it. what a process! i consider it all joy, to be certain. but it is difficult days and tears are shed.

i miss ethan. we still haven’t slept in the same bed since jack was born. we have a small overlapping time of being in bed together but it’s around 1am-3am. then ethan is up with jack while i stay asleep. i get up between 5am and 6:30am when i can drag myself up and out of bed to take over so e can sleep. it’s not my favorite but it’s what we have do to for us. even with the sleep ethan allows me to get, i struggle with weekly migraines and horrible neck/shoulder pain. it’s all back super vengeance style after giving birth. i’m working with my chiro/nutritionist but it’s such a long process. i had a horrible diet for over 20 years and was on a crap ton of horrible meds since i was a child, natural healing takes time. cleaning my liver out is a task.
i am amazed at the miracle that was my pregnancy and now my healthy, perfect baby son.

i found the adorable winter blanket you see pictured above at our local goodwill for two freaking dollars. i absolutely had to. i’m never in the market for a new blanket because we have plenty but it felt wrong in my heart to just leave it there so it came home with me. it’s perfect baby jack truman size and i will love it forever. he couldn’t care less about it and already threw up on it but whatever. some things, most things in this first year are really just for me.

our seventh wedding season is winding down. we have one wedding left this weekend. then we leave for new york to visit darling friends and to just BE IN NEW YORK the next weekend! i have too many photos to edit and i kinda wish that could just magically go away and be perfectly done and everyone’s happy. every year at this time i wish that. it never comes true.

and! and! big big plans for our next venture are finally taking shape. PRAISE HANDS. we have been restless for too damn long. it’s been beyond ridiculous, even for us. we love living in this weird tension and navigate the unknown really well together but this was just too long. too rocky. too uncertain. but we made it! the skies are clearing and we’re seeing the plan coming in. i cannot wait to share with you all.

for now i’m watching jack tru nap, and downing warm, delicious chicken broth like it’s my job. ethan’s the master at instant pot chicken broth (i’ll share his recipe soon) and i can’t get enough. it just tastes like wellness and comforting joy.

also, adoring today’s photograph with my whole heart. i have dreamed of the chubby baby hands and legs hanging out with me while read and sip coffee. thankful beyond.