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the blog

thoughts & musings

girl, wash your face | book club


i’ve wanted to be part of a book club since i found out how cool reading was. but i am also that person who starts all the things and then i am burnt out trying to be everyone’s everything. so i have just enjoyed reading by myself and loving the occasional conversation with others when we find it we’re reading the same book. and then a friend of mine said she would host a book club and i was invited! huzzah! i was so excited. and i haven’t been let down IN THE LEAST.  

book clubs are awesome. this group especially. we want to read all the things. all the books. all the words. we love discussion and debate and learning from each other’s perspectives. the best feeling is the common language of love that we thread through our conversations. we have that base line understanding and so we are free to explore and debate and question and not agree. it’s magic! it feels mature and correct and awesome to be this way with other women. and it is absolutely what my adult life was missing.

so this new book GWYF is getting a lot of heat. my club wanted to read it. i am not going to fully go into the arguments or debates here, you can google it and get lost for one entire week and have a splitting headache reading the back and forth on this. 

i have opinions on the book of course which were fully discussed in club, but after reading so much on the internet about this book and this author, i just really related with her and thought a post would do well on this topic.

being misunderstood is a living nightmare for me. going public with your heart is incredibly difficult and then being misread or mistaken is painful. no matter my opinion of this author or her words, she did it. she did a hard thing and wrote her story out for the world to see and read and get or not get and be nice or be mean about. i get that. when i read a book that isn’t the bible, i just let it be that. a book filled with words that someone else took the time to write. sure it’s disappointing when a book is less than good or is just plain bad. and you’ll have that.

it’s not my gospel. even if something in a book claims to be gospel. it is my job as a christian to get my gospel from the actual gospel. and then i have freedom to read and get to know other people and circumstances that help me connect to the human race. ugly flaws and all.

i am thankful for the internet. i am thankful for words. i’m glad even the people who have bad thoughts put them out there. to them, it’s good thoughts. it’s a lot to search through and to explore and sometimes people are maddening with their ideas. but it helps us get to know people better if we really listen and take the time for them.

i hope to write my own book by the time i’m 31.
i just realized the other day that i’ll be 30 in 2019. so i immediately panicked. i’ve wasted so much time being hurt by a silly few. so instead of freaking myself out to have a full book written and published and out there by 30, i’ll give myself a deadline of 31.

a lot of my readers have been super supportive. a lot of my friends and close community have been spurring me on. and then a few, small few but mighty in my mind, have very much discouraged my writing and my words and my heart and any further ventures in words. that’s been super painful. and even though i feel some redemption has taken place in the last year, it’s still incredibly hard for me to just move along, move on. but reading GWYF has helped me see just how loudly i will be some people’s flavor and not some others. like, people who just love plain vanilla ice cream? i cannot get on board. i’m sure we need you, but. it’s mint chocolate chip all the way, all day. we can all still be friends. and we’ll each have enough ice cream for ourselves.

in the next year i hope to be brave with my writing. sharing again as i once did. especially since God has done so much in and through my life in the last three years. it deserves to be shared because God should be bragged about.

enough is enough and i’m just making excuses and living in the pain of a few hurtful sentences that i don’t need to live in any more.