ethan made me leave the house the other day from one to four in the afternoon. he was going to be using loud tools which makes it impossible for me to be anywhere near. i gathered some friends and met at the park and then the coffee shop and then a summer walk. when i arrived home e was in a tizzy. he wasn’t ready quite yet and came to meet me in the driveway. we had to leave shortly for a chiropractor appointment and then baby class that night. i had to change and pee. he didn’t want to let me in the house! apparently my surprise had arrived! a super secret surprise he was so adorably giddy to give me. a while back we found the perfect credenza at an antique store. perfect shape, lovely mid-century vibe and we both liked it and purchased it for forty dollars. a win-win! e made me promise to not paint it for at least three months and i am happy to report we’ve had it now for roughly two years and i still haven’t painted it. sitting atop the credenza was a BEAUTIFUL RECORD PLAYER!! i have been deeply desiring one for years and today was my surprise record player day! i asked e why now? and he gave me a list of sweet answers. a few of which i will share. he wants me to get back to myself, truly. reading poetry, writing at random hours when feeling led, listening to records, slowing down, preparing for baby love life and motherhood, knowing a day of rest and reading is a blessed day and not useless. and filling our home with all sorts of music, teaching our family how to love intensely.
this morning i was awakened first of course, to pee. thanks, baby. and secondly because the birds called to me and the sunrise beckoned my soul.
i had “la vie en rose” and “it is well with my soul” on repeat in my mind so i rose and sang to baby while opening the blinds to the day ahead.
then i wanted to read poetry. and i am wonderfully in love with words and morning and summer light.
who made the world?
who made the swan and the black bear?
who made this grasshopper?
this grasshopper, i mean -
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down -
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
now lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
i don’t know exactly what a prayer is.
i do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what i have been doing all day.
tell me, what else should i have done?
doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?