i don't when it started.
that i liked coffee and moments with God put together the most.
but i'm so glad it did.
it's even to the point where i love most the hot coffee in one hand and the
other on my heart in worship at church or in my office.
or sometimes kitchen.
i prop my phone on the spices and listen & worship.
a sweet friend of mine told me when she first met me she wasn't sure this would work out.
she was like who is this crazy girl that says she loves coffee with Jesus?
i am not so sure about her.
and then a few months later she was like .. i think i want to have coffee with Jesus.
i want that in my life.
and it was awesome that she shared that with me.
i love to learn what my friends love most about spending time with God.
some need to be away for a while. like a day at at time.
some read a devotional while breastfeeding because that's the only time they have
in this season of their life.
or glancing at the Scripture in their pocket in between classes on their way to their career.
some others need loud worship music. even rap worship. that's a thing.
it's not mine, but i have a very adorable white friend who loves the rap.
and she's good at it.
and i know God meets her there.
here's what's awesome.
we all love differently.
we all feel and hear and get differently.
different is so gorgeous to me.
so mine is coffee dates with Jesus.
i know how it sounds and i don't even care.
my favorite feeling is being utterly overwhelmed by my God.
currently favorite song about being overwhelmed is here.
i always quote about being whelmed from 10 things i hate about you.
it gets old, i know but i also don't care about that.
i'm a control person. also known as monica.
i do not like being out of control.
having the feeling that i just.cannot.control something gives me terrible anxiety.
so "overwhelmed" has not always been like a fun idea for me.
the definition of overwhelmed is "bury or drown beneath a huge mass"
so, to be drowning beneath a huge mass is like literally my nightmare.
but when that is replaced with God Himself, there is this incredible freeing and welcoming feeling where there just is no more me. or my problems. or my feelings. it is just God.
He is mighty and all that He's done is so overwhelming.
it's like i do life backwards most of the time. with tiny moments of delight in God.
but most the time consumed in the world or all the things i need to get done or the people or the thoughts and opinions or the worries and the cooking and the not having everything i want.
when i can feel the best way, why would i turn back into my insane expectations of myself
and others and my overwhelmed-by-this-world way of life? in my stupid tiny brain thoughts.
it's sin. and selfish desires.
they come at me hard and i most the time forget to get overwhelmed with God and instead just try to master all these things on my own. like i got this. but we all know, with control freaks, we mostly just mess things up worse. or at least are always huffing because we're so overwhelmed with ourselves. you know, we're so busy doing all the things all the people need to appreciate! but it's because our pride won't allow us to realize that we need help or DON'T actually have to do it all ourselves. and we're just a frazzled mess all the time.
i realize now that i do this to myself. even though all of me wants to blame someone else.
because they just don't understand all of this that i'm doing to myself but need them to realize how awesome i am for handling all these things not well at all. you get what i'm saying?
i hope i'm not the only one laughing at themselves here.
they are real struggles.
they are my struggles.
they are really hard to overcome.
but Christ overcame the grave.
and He can overwhelm my soul.
and He is the most beautiful.
there is no one like Him. and no one more beautiful.
i want to be continuously overwhelmed by You.