seeking Joy in this crummy world



Sometimes I hope and pray and wish (now I want to watch My Best Friend's Wedding)
to have a long "healthy" life here on earth with my Ethan. 
I day dream about our lives together and raising babies and being old to love on our grandbabies.
and then I want to punch myself in my big ole selfish mouth. 

These are the days and weeks that I start to feel ugly and gross about myself. 
I get heavy feeling and just can't figure out why I'm not "happy". 
I mope around and treat others poorly all the while feeling sorry for myself. 

Then, finally I snap out of it and I know it's because I have stopped looking at the prize and have started gazing upon myself. Desiring things of my flesh. 

It's very easy to fall into and I am ashamed to admit that I fall into it far to0 often. 
And sometimes bunk there for a good while. 

I'm missing the whole point. 

How will I be equipped to handle tragedy? 
How will I be able to go on showing true joy to the world when my love is taken from me or I can't have babies or I lose my dream job or, or, or 
*insert something terrible here*.
How will I give the proper praise when something amazing happens? 
I will crumble on my own. I will give myself praise for the good in my life. 
Sickening, isn't it? Yes. Tis. 

God is the reason. I want to seek Him and be in Heaven with Him. 
This world we live in is a world of the flesh. And I dislike when I'm apart of it. 
I am to be different. I am to have the Light to show others! They need it as deeply as I need it! 

How will they see it if I'm not showing it? 

"You call yourself a Christian, but if your life doesn't bear witness to the implications, the transforming implications of the gospel in

  • how you talk 
  • in what you eat
  • what you drink 
  • how you live
  • your habits
  • how you use your time
  • how you treat other people
  • how you open your home in hospitality
all of these many practical issues that are the outflow and the overflow of the gospel in your life. If your life doesn't show those then there's no basis on which the world can look at our lives and say, 'I believe in the gospel.' "

- Bear Witness to the Transformation 
Nancy Leigh DeMoss 




I'm going out into the world today but I will not be of the world. 
I will bring glory to God in all that I do and give him the honor and praise. 

Christ lives within me. and I am free to share Him! 

and I will not be going alone. :) 

  She is clothed with strength and dignity. 
(Proverbs 31:25)