through hardships :: seek Jesus


it's been one of those phases in life where so much is going on that i feel if i 
do get a second to write
i have no idea what to write about because my brain is 
SO full of EVERYTHING at the moment. 

not all bad things, of course. there is great goodness in my life. 
beautiful things, but still, a few crummy things lately.

ethan is such a great husband. 
he is better than any husband i ever imagined myself marrying! 
and i'm a girl, so i imagined my husband a lot!
i am happy to be this man's ezer. 

while we're going through some crummy, emotional and hard stuff, 
ethan leads us to Christ. 
he seeks God's Word to help us answer any problem or situation we're in. 

we're finding that in these times of pain and sorrow, we are to be content! 
these are times to praise! 
God tells us to rejoice in these times! 

He came for the weak and for the sick. 
we are very weak indeed. 
through our weakness, He is made strong. 
and wow, is He ever strong! 

i have a new outlook on these times now and i can say that i'm thankful.
this time around i'm seeking patience and asking God to work through this, instead of feel that i need to just do everything on my own, as if i had the right and best way to handle it. 
which is clearly not the case because everything i do on my own i mess up terribly. 

i used to like these times because they were dramatic. 
and even though i claimed to hate drama, like most women, we actually thrive on drama and even long for it sometimes. .  yikes. i know. (sorry to rat us out, ladies)
i'm ashamed to admit that but it is truth. 
now, though, through worship and learning with my husband, i want to show God's glory through these dramatic, silly, sinful times. 
i don't want to try to do this on my own or seek credit for making something bad turn into good. i'm disgusted with my terrible attempts to fix things. 

this was hard to grasp for a while, but
boy, am i finally starting to get it!
now i am searching my heart through these times and asking God to show me where i am wrong and what i need to do to fix the situation. 
where i need to ask forgiveness, instead of feeling deserving and waiting for that terrible person to come crawling to me with an apology. (this is hard to write, friends)

do you get what i'm saying? 
when in a fight, usually each person thinks the other person was wrong and needs to come grovel for forgiveness. 
i totally felt that way (and struggle with feeling this way, still) 
but now my heart is being taken over by God and i'm understanding that i'm the one that needs the divine intervention.  

God's glory can be shown through this situation depending on how my behavior is,
 how i choose to speak to the person, etc. 

it's not going to be good if i am seeking myself. 
and it's not going to be good if i go in guns-a-blazing with my best ideas of how to handle it. 

it will only go well if God is working through me. 
so i need to get over myself and fill myself with Him. 
that's the only way. 

during these times God's glory can  be shown! 
and He shines so brightly!
what an amazing thought. 

AND! it STILL might not go well, even then! it may take weeks or months or years!
i may feel that God totally lead me to behave the way i did and handle things in His way, but they may take it terribly. it may not go well at all. God does have a plan though, and sometimes we just don't think He has good timing, but HE DOES. i promise. shoot, HE promises! :) 
if you handle the situation prayerfully and with God, it will END well. it just might not be in the time frame you had in mind. (totally preaching to myself!) 

He is in control and that heals my heart. 

He knows, so we don't need to worry. 
in fact, we're told specifically NOT to worry. 
He warns against worrying.  

what am amazing God, to tell His child to draw near to Him and leave everything else behind. 
all of your worries, all of your pain, all of your sorrow and sadness. all of our emotions and heartbreak. everything. leave it, join Him and have new life. 

He is my marvelous Creator and i will follow no other. 

i love fog. 
God is so cool. 

that blue! 


this is so beautifully powerful to me. 


i LOVE birds. 
every time i see a bird i sing  "His eye is on the sparrow" 

one of my very favorite songs my grandma and mama taught me. 
my mom, sister and i used to sing it for grandma at church 
and grandma would cry
 and we would all have to stop ourselves from crying to finish the song! 
it's so powerful and beautiful. 

i can't wait to sing my babies to sleep with this song and teach them of Jesus. 
Jesus watches us, He is here. and He's coming back for us. 

why should i feel discouraged
why should the shadows come
 why should my heart feel lonely 
and long for heaven and home

when Jesus is my portion 
a constant friend is He
for His eye is on the sparrow 
and i know He watches me

i sing because i'm happy
i sing because i'm FREE! 
for His eye is on the sparrow 
and i know He watches me 

for His eye is on the sparrow
and i know, i know He watches me. 




breakfast lately! 
e and i have been reading in the Gospels, having breakfast together and sharing in life. 
it's the best way to do breakfast. 



my soul is longing for that glorious day.

i'm so thankful i have ethan to walk through this physical life with. 
and dance. and laugh. 
and sing and kiss. 

we have absolutely nothing to complain about. 
and definitely nothing to worry about. 
but we do have a lot of people to witness to and a lot of Goodness to share. 
i'm praying for relaxed hearts and tons more Jesus seeking while we walk through the good and bad times, together. 
praying also to show God's glory in all that we do and say and touch.