time to get messy


I am apart of a group of women that receives morning encouragement via text and I.love.eet. 

I'd just like to share a few with you : 

"When we live with our eyes on the eternal, 
it is more difficult for the things of the world to ensnare us."

"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matt 6:21) 
What will your treasure be today?"

"God, renew my spiritual eyes to see you walk before me and beside me as I turn to you in every situation in life. Thank you for being truly present in my worship to you!"

"We can make plans, but The Lord determines our steps" Proverbs 16:9 

So. Boom, Boom, Boom and Boom. 

God has been speaking to me but I have been making myself unavailable. 
My treasure has been on the world therefore my heart has been really empty. 
Why? Because worldly things can seem so prettttyy and fun. and sweet. and not harmful. 
But it's only a matter of time, my friends.
And because of my most recent fall, I am really sad and empty. 
I miss Jesus. 
I miss being desperate for Him. 
When we are going through times of excitement, I see those as blessings (which they are),
but then I forget to remember that I'm blessed through the hard times, too. 
Even more so, actually. 

Those times are faith building and character building. 
 I didn't choose to see it that way at first. 

I have been leaving Him out of my plans. I haven't been asking him to lead my steps.

I want a house. 
I want new camera gear. 
I want my husband's job to work out. 
I want to guarantee that I will be a wedding photographer for ever and ever. 
I want to know when we'll have babies. 
I want 5 babies. 
I want to foster and adopt and to home school. 
I want more money to buy more things... to be able to serve God better?? (yeah. I know. it's okay to laugh at me. I'm laughing at me, too.) Yikes. 

We are in a janky time right now. 
Money is tight and we're saving saving saving but also needing to invest in our businesses and get out of debt. 
We are saving up for our first home and always, bigger and better camera gear and I find myself forgetting that it's not about me, or us, or what we can get from this world. 

We've never bought a house before. We've never saved up this much money all at once. 
And also pumping money into getting us out of debt.
But sometimes I just want to forget about it, buy lots pizza and
 ice cream or go on 10 fancy dates.
Or buy a new dress. 
Or three new dresses. I mean.
It's hard for me to stop doing those things because I get into this worldly mentality of 
"I deserve it"
We're working hard so don't we deserve to go have fun? 
And I need to look nice for my job! So I neeeeeeed new dresses. Right?

Gah. It makes me sick to even write this. 
Friends, this may be my most heart-revealing post yet. 
I am ashamed. 
But I'm glad. 
God is revealing my wicked heart and He's calling me back to Him. 


I'm not called to  live in a big perfect house. 
Or be the best photographer in the world. 
Or have tons of healthy pregnancies and babies. 
Or have any money at all. 


I think about the house we are going to get. It's pretty spectacular.
It's not a sin that we're buying a house. 
It is a sin, however, how I have allowed my mind and heart to be wrapped up in it so much that I lose sight of God and what He wants from me. 

"What will move me closer to His agenda and further away from mine?
What are areas that need the most renovation?" - Jen Hatmaker in 7

I love that. Renovation. 
I am an HGTV watcher and almost as much as I love all things weddings,
 I really enjoy all things homey. 
Kitchen renos, BATHROOM renos, oh my oh my. And total house renovations? 
Yeah, buddy. 


I'm calling this my heart renovation. 
I'm asking God to show me the areas that need the most renovation and to guide me sweetly to a closer walk with Thee. 


I was thinking back to the last time I really felt close to God. 
Not just for a brief time like during worship at church or at home but daily, and for a long time. 
It came to me that it was during my last fast.
I fasted from make up about a year ago (visit previous posts on that).
It was the first time I have ever fasted.
God met me there. 
and He forever changed my heart about make up. 
(and actually a lot more than I thought I'd learn just from fasting from make up. that's how cool God is) 
It.was.powerful. 
I know God will meet me again. 
I'm inviting Him in while I re-read "7" and see where He wants me to move next. 
I have been fascinated with this book since a good friend told me about it a few years ago. 
I have read it. I really enjoy it. 
I haven't done any fasting on it, though. (yet)

"Where have I substituted The American Dream for God's Kingdom? What in my life, in the lives of most westerners, is just too stinking much?"
She came up with these 7 things to fast on 
over the next 7 months with a group of 7 people :

Food. 
Clothes.
Possessions. 
Media. 
Waste. 
Spending.
Stress.  

I have no idea if I'll go about this new journey alone, or grab my own 7 to do this with, or what this journey is even going to look like or be like!
This is totally just a rough draft. But I'm so ready.