currently


reading : too many books. i'm not finishing anything. i have about 5 books open or started and i'm not getting anywhere with any one book but i'm really enjoying what they all have to say! 
one is about marriage. which i love. if you didn't already know this about me, marriage is my favorite thing. another is about food. deep nutrition. i LOVE reading about food and what my body should be getting. it really helps me gain self-control with bad foods as i read and research what food does to us. another one is by john piper who is my favorite author. he's brilliant, writes beautifully and speaks the truth. my life and heart are changed by his words. he urges me to get closer to Christ. 

eating : fair food! and by fair food i mean i had a 2 lemon shake ups and curly fries. that's all i can "cheat" with. what i wouldn't do for a freaking corn dog. but i will not do that to my poor body. i'd be out with a migraine for at least a week. not worth it. i used to think it was worth it and then i spent too many days in the ER that i quickly learned my lesson. 
also eating turnips! who knew i'd like them. i put them in a veggie crock pot roast. yum.

watching : f.r.i.e.n.d.s and gilmore girls! i have been editing like crazy and i just put them on the in back round for noise and laughter. it makes my days go quicker and happier. 

listening to : rend collective experiment. um, wow. 
you haven't worshiped until you've worshiped with their music. it's intense. my sister just blessed us with the cd and we love it. if you are looking for a more intense worship time with The Lord, grab your spouse and worship along side them. it's powerful. we've been having tearful times together just in the last two days with this cd. ah-mazing. 

thinking about : why i am the way i am. 
why i worry about what others think. why i carry so much crap in my head all the time. i have this horrible problem with needing people's approval. i worry all the time about what people think. if they truly got to see my heart or if they think i'm a total flop of a person. if i did something or said something that made someone not like me. or not want to hang out or be my friend. honestly i feel like i'm in middle school again. it's really a bad quality of mine and when i'm feeling this way or acting this way, i am not being a good representation of finding my identity in Christ. because i'm showing that i need another person's approval to be worth anything. it's something i really struggle with. 
i feel more now than ever that i have true confidence. by true confidence, i mean that it comes from God, who created me. i know that it's from The Lord because i've been fasting about it and i've been praying about it for over 2 years now. it's been a long road but i finally got to an amazing place where i found myself as beautiful and worth everything to my Father in heaven. but now, all of a sudden it seems, i'm having these terrible fears and doubts creep back in. what a mess! i know where the answers are. but some days i just feel like sulking and having a pity party. that's been me for the last few weeks. i just want to eat ice cream all.day. and have people bring me flowers and feel sorry for me. oy vey. i need to read God's Word! 

loving : the anticipation of FALL time. and then winter time. 
oh, this is my favorite time of the year. sometimes the anticipation of something is even more delicious than the thing you were anticipating, no? i am NOT a summertime gal. no, sir. i don't do the heat, it hurts my body too much. i enjoy being comfortable in jeans or long skirts and sweatshirts and old man cardigans. i love the colors and the smells of fall. i love my handsome husband's hair looking even more reddish with the change of the world's color. everything changes in the fall. i love watching you've got mail every year. i love blankets. i.love.blankets. i enjoy hot chocolate and hot tea and of course coffee. pumpkin everything. brisk night walks hand in hand with ethan. my birthday! our meeting date. which is our favorite day ever. it's amazing how lives can change in a day. one day. 24 hours and your life is completely new and better. that's what meeting ethan burt did. i enjoy so much remembering those first moments together. and the exact feeling i had when i got into my car and drove home that night. thinking i so wanted to marry him. oh, my gosh, he was so handsome and dreamy and mysterious. it's so good to remember those times. and to think of them often. almost 4 years later and i am still completely moved by our beginning. i will never forget, i will constantly remember.


looking forward to : just more life! thankful for each and every day. every breath is a gift. God is so good. as long as i'm living, there's a reason for me still being here. i just want to live God's will out for my life. and when i die, i get to see His Face. there's nothing better than that.