just be. and be thankful. || bethany burt || illinois wedding photographer || personal life stuff

i had much more of a response than i imagined with the pregnancy status blog post. 
i was overwhelmed and touched by the women who wrote me. 
i feel like i have a special  bond with all of them, whether i know them already or not. 
and i know there are some of you who didn't respond but wanted to, and i can feel you, too.

God is so good and puts words of encouragement on certain people at certain times and i'm thankful that people spoke up, shared their struggles with me as well and also offered me prayer and encouragement. 

let me tell you what, i feel encouraged! 
i feel uplifted and thankful and joyful and my favorite, content. 

the year of 2013 i decided needed to be my "trust God" year. 
i heard a great sermon at church either in november or december of 2012, encouraging us to think of the upcoming year not in a way to make resolutions that would fall through but to really consider what you're lacking in your relationship with God and see what He leads you to focus on for the new year, and the whole year. 

and i desperately needed to trust in the God i say i believe in. 

so i started 2013 and now we're ending 2013 and it has been a very trusting year! 
trusting God to me means that i get to have peace because He is in control. 
and just knowing that His Word is true and His ways are higher than my ways. 

i was doing really well until about august. really! i was so excited with myself when i realized that i had had a very relaxing year and had really been relying and trusting on God. knowing that my life is for Him and not for myself. 

but then, i failed. hardcore. 

i got wrapped up in the new house and by august we were really looking into our options because october was the date we gave ourselves to buy a house. 
lots of messy stuff happens when buying a house and it sure was a mess. 
my stress and anxiety levels just reached the sky. 
and unfortunately i gave up trusting until just recently. 

thankfully i have a very *VERY* patient and kind husband. 

he put up with me and my high-anxiety self. 
many fights about the house, about really just anything at all. 
being a moody women is the pits sometimes. 
i should say, letting my moods control the way i behave is the pits. 

but we pushed through and i apologized like a LOT. 
and now here we are. 

for an example of how different i am when i'm trusting God vs. not. 
august - october (well and really november)
i've been a mess. venting to EVERY friend about every situation we're in. 
the pipes don't work, the water heater is broken so i have to take cold showers, ethan isn't getting things that i want done done in the exact way that i want them done. 
no thankfulness. just complaining. about STUFF. 
can you relate? oy vey. i'm a monster. 

now, when i give it to God and just smile and enjoy my sweet life : 
our pipes are even more broken. 
no more kitchen sink. we have to do dishes in the bathtub. 
no laundry machines anymore, due to the pipes. 
and everything that had gone down my kitchen drain is now sitting in our crawl space being really disgusting. 

but i'm all good with it. :) 
i'm joyful. i'm happy even. i'm thankful that i have a home with walls and a roof. 
i feel that it's insane that people sleep in doorways of buildings in the coldest winter nights yet i feel that i should complain about my broken pipes. in my warm house. with  my handsome husband who gives me endless love. 
bah! really, a monster. 

so i'm meditating on what our 2014 "thing" will be. 
i'm not quite sure, i have a few words jumbling around my head but no clear answer yet. 
i'm seeking God on the matter and it feels great. 

also! i just wanted to share since i know some of you are reading,
i feel so refreshed about not having babies. or not having babies, yet. i should say. 
really. 
now obviously i still want them and i still struggle with it, if i let my mind wander. 
but God is so sweet and so lovely and gave me peace to live each moment 
with a cheerful heart. 
each day since that post i have had a new outlook and it's been changing my heart. 

i've had women i respect really encourage me in the best ways. 
saying that seeing me and ethan together is a real blessing to them. 
i tell God that i want Him to use me the way He wants to use me but then i get upset when it's not looking like what i wanted. (like having 5 babies already). 

but wow, take a step back and look at what i have been gifted with! 
i woke up with my husband by my side. smiling and saying his usual "good morning gorgeous" and we hugged and kissed and kissed some more. i mean. 
it doesn't get better than that. 

and i don't know if cat could handle babies right now. 
she's pretty selfish. 
she may need a few more years to adjust to the idea of bringing 
some small humans into the family. ;) 

i love them so much it hurts.