sometimes i have denzel's attitude problem || personal story || the inner workings of a crazy brain by bethany burt

sometimes i have an attitude problem. 
thankfully it's not nearly as bad as when i was a teenager. 
oh. my. gosh. 
i don't miss teenager bethany. 

 a wicked cool friend of my sister that became my friend
(thankfully my sister had really awesome friends in college and i wanted to be like each one of them (and esp. like my sister). they all have grown to be awesome women, too, so i am thankful that through my sis, they have become part of my life, too.)
 posted a picture of denzel washington on my wall last night. 

i laugh cried so hard i almost peed. 

it feels like a lifetime ago that i knew this woman 
(who is now a totally hot wife and mom)
and we would make fun of denzel's attitude. 
this is partially unfair to denzel because he doesn't even know us. 
he's just denzel. 
attitude. 
all over. 

see.

the funny part is that i've been so not that attitude-girl for years. thankfully. 
but then all of a sudden, this she-hulk denzel comes out. 
it was like creepy-funny-good timing. 

i'm angry and hot tempered. 
i'm sad and mad (smad) which are the two worst things for a woman to feel at once. 
you know. 

 i'm just tired of myself! 

i'm so upset because i've been SICK FOR A MONTH. 
ever since like the day after christmas, both ethan and i have taken turns being sick. 
right now it's that annoying cough that keeps the whole house up until 4 am. 
and then you do sleep but cough-wake yourself up at 6 am and you're awake for the whole day now. but you're terribly exhausted. and repeat.

i've had to cancel with friends and family. 
this weekend is so upsetting because we're missing out on watching our nephews and date nights with our siblings and spouses. just mad. ugh. 

i'm such a complainer. 

this is so not usually me but now i know it takes about 23 days of it and she comes out. 
she's here and she's mean! 

so, how do i fix it?
i'm going to list just a few reasons why it's stupid that i'm being a complaining witch :

my husband isn't dead. 
that's really enough but i'll go on with the list. 

my cat didn't vomit on anything today. 

i have a really warm home. 
i'm not homeless. 

i'm not hungry.  

my husband is nice to me even when i'm mean. 
and he's so handsome. 
and so cute. and his beard is awesome. 
he doesn't like my judy attitudey but he's an awesome guy and he calls me out and doesn't put up with it. and helps me snap out of it.
 he's probably the best husband/man in the world. 

we've been super disconnected from each other and we really don't like it. 
it makes our hearts ache. 
so i'm thankful during this, that that is our only problem. 
we're doing pretty good ;) 
it's so hard to be this distant from each other, y'all know how together we are. 
so during this, we're able to learn how to be there for each other while we are both mad at sick for splitting us up. 
do you know how hard it is to NOT kiss?
really. 

i'm very thankful that we are just the three of us (cat counts). 
no babies.
i do NOT know how people deal with sick kiddos. 
my heart aches for that. 
sick that recovers and sick that doesn't recover. 
life is hard and little babies are so helpless. 
i'm so thankful that we're just the two adults. 

my women's group! 
such encouragement is had and it's only been one meeting so far! 
this is gunna be awesome. 
i was thinking this morning that tuesday can't come soon enough 
because i need those faces. 

i'm not worse. 
this sick stuff sucks but it could be worse. 
my migraine lifted yesterday morning and i immediately 
went to being pissy about everything. 
?!?!
that's just wrong. what's the matter with me.

i'm self employed. and not getting fired for missing work. 
hey, that's big! 
i have the freedom to be sick. ha! 
it sucks not being able to work and i've had to cancel and reschedule 
and i HATE that so much. 
especially since that's the only way we make money.. and i love photographing! 
but it's so awful to have to cancel and reschedule. you just feel like a major jerk. 
but being home for my job is helpful when you're sick. 
i have the time to get better and not worry about how many sick days i have left. 

i'm really annoyed with myself that i have even allowed myself to feel this way. 
i know better. 
i'm debating erasing everything i've written because i'm being so ridic. 
but i'll just post it. 
it's unfortunately really real. 

Satan is getting the best of me. 

it all comes down to me not being in the Word enough. 

God is good. all the time. and suffering for Him is good. 
doing all things for Him, is good. 
it doesn't seem to make sense but being the best i can be while being sick can bring Him glory. i'm sick for this time and for a reason. 
to show God's love through it all. 
through anything i go through in life, ever. be is a small thing like this, or a really big thing that is yet to come. it's all to show Christ's love for us all. 

every second of every day, every breath should be given back to Him 
in thankfulness and praise. 

i'm been learning how to truly do the dishes to bring God glory. 
now i just need to apply that to being sick, too. 

1 Peter 5 : 6-11
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time
he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your botherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, while himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen. 

 

we are all fighting every day. 
what triggers me might not trigger you. 
the devil is very good at knowing what triggers us and he's been doing a great job with me.

the jerk. 

i hope to remember to be kind to others because i don't know what they're going through at that moment or time in their lives. 
suffering looks different to each of us. and we will all have some type of suffering many times throughout our lives. 

i love this passage because it reminds me that life is hard and is full of sufferings. 
but one day, we will be restored because of what Christ has done on the cross. 
every day, whether good or bad, 
is another day closer to His second coming. and we have to ready our hearts.