let's have coffee together and be friends || share your heart || personal junk || goodbye june, hello july || 2014

i've got this attitude lately. 
i'd like to say i don't know where it came from but i know it's coming from me allowing myself to be a 
little snarky lady. 

i'm drinking coffee from a bowl this morning. 
i've obviously got problems. 

sometimes i like to only share when i have an overwhelming loving heart and everything's just peachy and lovely so the happiness just flows right out of me. 

and i've been waiting for that to happen. 

but honestly i'm just in a mood. 
so i thought i'd share that this morning. 

let's have coffee together. 
i've got my bowl. 
do you have yours ready?

in june i have had many many moods. 
we've had 4 amazing wedding days and i adore our clients and friends. 
seriously it doesn't get better than our couples. 

but then during the weeks i'm just negative. 
the summer  makes me hurt so much. 
so. much.
i dislike summer time weather. 
the pressure changes. 
the fields and the allergy stuff. 

i'm seeing everyone happy and on vacation with sand in their toes 
and ice cream covered smiles on their kids faces and i'm like
Scrooge over here in my office in front of my computer screen day in and day out. 

i do love my job like crazy. 
but when my body hurts so badly and then see people relaxing on the beach. 
i turn into a wanting monster. 

it's so funny the things we ask for and dream for, like working for yourself 
and being a wedding photographer, that you then complain about later. 

oy vey. 
what a mess i am! 
i just so quickly lose perspective. 

ethan's so great to be married to. 
and do life with. 
and be coworkers with. 

seriously that man calls me out and doesn't let me get away with my snarky mouth. 

he does it in a sweet and gentle but also hilarious way. 

he reminds me how awesome i have it. 
like "oh how terrible that people love your photography and want to hire you to photograph their best day ever and you don't have to work at CVS anymore and you get to stay home and work in your pj's if you want and your handsome husband is around all the time to kiss you and hang out with you"

oh yeah, that. 

;) 

thank God for that man. 
yeesh. he's so good. 

and i'm just seeing the worst in others when usually i see the best in them! 
i normally find it so easy to love others. 
lately i just want to slap someone. 

i really blame summer. 
the heat. 
the weather pressure. 
get on with it, already. 

it's my june funk.
i just now made that up. 

but really it's me. 
just negative little ole me. 

i do not have better days when i'm negative. 
i do not help anyone at all when i'm negative. 
i do not show that i love God and people when i'm negative. 

i only see me and what i am after when i'm negative. 

my marriage definitely isn't awesome when i'm having a fit because i'm 2. 

i can't be joyful bethany only in the seasons that i like. 
like fall and winter. 
and spring. 
and then be nasty all summer. 
although some days that's how i really want to just be. 

i want to throw fits because i hate summer time. 
how ridiculous is this?

who really hates summer that much?
haha! 

it's good to laugh at myself. 
and write it all out. 
then i get to be ashamed and embarrassed that i even thought this way. 

but there it is. there's my mess. 
i'm happy june is over. 
i'll strive to be better in july. 

goodbye, june. 
hello, july. 
fresh start. 

this is the point in the coffee date that i finally ask you how you are?
 and thank you for allowing me to share my broken heart. 
what's going on with you?
i'll get a refill and i'm ready to listen to your heart.