i always tell ethan he needs to blog.
he's the brilliant one.
he tells me that he shares the nuggets of wisdom & brilliance with me because i'm the one who's called to share it.
love this dude.
and his heart.
and yes, i'm definitely a sharer.
so i have these amazing conversations with my brilliant husband
and then i cannot wait to share with the world.
i just have grown so much in the small amount of time that i've known him
and i have this insane urge to blog it out.
the reason i wish he would blog is because he is smarter, knows better words,
articulates much better than i do, and he's the brilliant one that had these thoughts.
he hits me with it and then i have to find a way to recap it all and make sense of it
even when i'm still processing it myself.
the thing i love about blogging my heart is that it's in constant motion and growing.
learning and processing.
hurting and breaking and making mistakes
and apologizing and moving forward and recording it all, all along the way.
i love sharing.
and i love looking back and remembering.
this life is wonderful. it's a story.
the good and the bad.
and i love documenting it.
ethan fell in love with me.
and then he fell in love with God.
and then he fell more in love with me.
and then more in love with God.
and as he falls more in love with God, he falls more in love with people.
it's so beautiful.
we talk about how could we possibly be MORE in love with each other?
we're already to an annoying level.
but it is what happens to you and your spouse when you are in love with our God.
i struggle with loving people.
we wrestle with our place in this world and how we're supposed to behave and who we're supposed to love and how we're supposed to love.
and then people tell me i'm doing it wrong and then i doubt myself and so on.
so i tell my husband and then he's brilliant.
i tell him i am struggling with loving people.
because you know, sometimes people just suck.
i suck, too. it's not just you.
how do i love, i ask.
and he points me to God.
we are commanded to LOVE GOD. LOVE PEOPLE.
well, we are really starting to think so.
it is truly simple.
so beautifully simple.
am i loving God?
am i loving people?
it's hard to love people when you focus on loving people.
because then you find out that people hurt.
and are mean.
and then we decide certain ones don't deserve love.
we make decisions on who deserves our time and love.
instead of doing what we're commanded.
but if we love God instead.
we then can love people.
because it's God's love we're loving with.
not our own.
we must first love God.
we must know God to love God.
let's just pause and realize how freaking crazy that is.
my heart is racing right this very minute because i'm like YES!
DO YOU GET IT!?
DO YOU SEE THIS!?
UGH! SO GOOD.
IT'S SO GOOD.
i think sometimes we get it wrong.
we try to learn from the Bible about how we're supposed to be.
that's not all bad but let's just go with this for now.
we're like "oh i need to be a better human so i'm going to listen to paul and try to be more patient and kind and not keep record of wrongs"
and those are good things to try to be better at.
but i think we need to fall in love with who God is.
in order to do that we need to know about Him.
and the rest follows.
it will literally just flow out of us.
we try to fix ourselves and do self help books and make all these goals but then we are thinking about how we can be better.
our focus is off.
but, if we just are crazy about God and all of His attributes, we just
this happens in marriage too.
when i try to be a better wife i'm trying to fix things about myself.
so the focus is on me.
but when i just focus on the greatness of my husband, of who God is working him out to be, i just become better because i'm more in love with who he is.
it's not about me being the best wife.
it's about loving my husband well.
because i chose him to love.
and in order to love ethan well, i have to
and appreciate him.
spend time with him.
have an intimate relationship with him.
this goes with people as well.
when we judge people it's just bad.
who do we think we are, that we can judge people?
but when we see each person as a human being created by God, it's much different.
it's amazing what heart change can do.
it's amazing to know that we each deserve hell, but because of Love Himself,
we get eternal life.
how can that not change you?
how can you not want that for someone else? everyone else.
how can we choose to not love others when eternal life is at stake?
love with my own love is fickle, it's conditional, it changes depending on how i feel that day.
love with God's love, is pure. unconditional.
and is just the way it's supposed to be.
it's so wonderful.
sometimes it feels stressful to me.
because i have the ability to make anything stressful.
i'm so good at it.
making the simple, impossible.
so my goal is this : love God. love people.
it works beautifully for our marriage. and i'm excited to apply it to how i love people.
on christmas we took some photos.
i stayed in my pj's all day.
ethan prefers jeans.
i don't get him.
so these are my favorites.
oh, my heart for this man.
God is so wonderful to give us this.
to work on our hearts and grow us closer to Him & to each other.