target monster || shopping trip || real life || bethany burt

i'm really terrible at keeping quiet in the mornings when i wake first. 

i try really hard. 

well, i try my pretty hardest. 

but i'm still just such a loud mess. 

i'm the least graceful person ever to walk the earth. 

but ethan is of course good at everything. 

he can wake up first and let me sleep and i don't even know where he is. 

turns out he's made breakfast, left the house three times, shoveled the drive way and made coffee.

all loud things. done silently. 

but me, it starts first thing.

 i drop the toothpaste and the mason jar that holds our paste and brushes. 

so then i say "shoot!" 

or "sorry! shhh. go back to sleep"

because saying loudly "SORRY! LOVE YOU. GO BACK TO SLEEP! SLEEP IN! 

REST! I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE SO CUTE WHEN YOU SLEEP! GAH!! YOU'RE CUTE"

really helps a husband fall back to sleep. 

oops.

-----------------------------------------

so last night was the coolest. 

i felt like a real adult. 

i went shopping. 

and out with a few friends. 

ate really good food. 

bought a wedding present. 

 then had hot chocolate and alone time. 

it.was.awesome. 

i have a $100 gift card to target.

WHOOT. 

target is my place. 

but it is not my place to spend my own money. 

i think target is expensive. 

so, that's how cheap i am for those of you who always think you're getting deals at target. 

you're not. 

that's still too much money.

(and i had coupons, too.)

but a gift card?

i'm in heaven. 

i only used half so i can go again. 

glory. 

so i got a new jacket. LIKE, THE COOLEST JACKET.

a "sexy" robe. 

(not even to replace my giant ugly blue robe, 

but to just sometimes say i'm sorry for the giant blue robe)

a sweater dress thing that i'm normally against but really liked.

a sweater. obviously just plain grey. 

and a tank. in dark green. ethan's favorite. 

let's just mention how fun it is to shop when you have a husband. 

it's like, i can do no wrong. 

because he just finds it all fantastic. 

so, praise God. 

however, sometimes not all my outfit choices are his favorite. 

like when i really really loved the sweater dress and was planning on wearing it for a date night coming up. and i come home and tell him with all my heart and excitement "THIS WAS ONLY FIVE DOLLARS!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??"

and he says "yeah. probably because no one wanted it"

debbie downer face. 

now, i love my husband. 

i love his funny. 

i love the sarcasm. 

i laugh with him because he speaks truth with funny. 

but man. 

that one hurt. in that moment. 

i told him i'll laugh later but i wanted to cry. 

then i realized another reason shopping is so dangerous. 

i had placed all this expectation on

a sweater dress.

oy vey. 

i haven't done that in a really long time. 

so it was really weird to experience this again in our marriage. 

because, like, that was so wife bethany from 3 years ago. 

i was so upset that he didn't fancy the dress like i did. 

i bought it "for him"

well, he didn't know that. 

he wasn't expecting me to come home and show him an ugly dress

 i picked out with excitement for him.

i'm annoyed with myself. 

and over it. 

let's move on. 

i like the dress. 

he doesn't have to. 

he did nothing wrong and i'm not mad at him for not liking a cute dress. that is obviously cute.

i can't be mad at him for not understanding great fashion. 

only that he hurt my feelings, which he apologized for. 

and looks really adorable when he feels in trouble. 

GAH. so cute. 

but he loves the robe. 

so, at least i've got that going for me. 

which is nice. 

i fasted a few years ago from shopping. 

and it really changed me and the way i view clothes and money. 

it was a great experience for me and for ethan. 

but now i see again how quickly i can fall back into that. 

give me $100 to target and i'm a monster. 

ethan's so incredible. 

he cares more about my character 

than the clothes i wear. 

i'm thankful for that. 

sure, i

wanted

him to just think i was incredible in this dress. 

but i

need

him to remind me of the important.

and for ever, he will cherish the woman i am. 

as i grow in my relationship with Christ. 

and we can laugh at the ugly dress each time i wear it. 

it's true that Christ centered marriages are sexier. 

they just are. 

i'm experiencing that. 

i'm thankful for a husband who is more worried about my heart than my appearance. 

and who finds jeans and a tank top and messy hair sexy.

i don't even have to try for that. ;)

i just wear my favorite "what i thought would be a date night outfit for my husband" dresses 

when i go out with the girls. 

and they love it. 

in fact, my sister friend told me she liked it and i had to get it. 

BECAUSE FIVE DOLLARS. 

so really i bought it for her. 

maybe she'll take me on a date. 

who knew i could learn so much about my heart just from one little shopping trip to target.

as i get older i look for these growth moments.

i'm not going to run and hide from them. or be ashamed of my weaknesses. 

i want to be aware of my crazy, face it head on, and conquer the crap out of it.