this is where i share my whole soul. i write about my struggles. my joys. my amazing life with my handsome husband. our photography company. our cat. wedding seasons. our travels. community. beer and coffee dates. probably lots about pizza, too. i believe that life is worth living. and sharing my story connects me to beautiful souls. i feel like i grow into a better human when i write and read stories. we all have something amazing to share with the world. this is my life in pink. 

don't make the bed || rough pain day || thankful anyway || love burt living

mostly the reason i don't make the bed is because cat sleeps here. 


she just gets it. 

i don't have any type of system. 
i thought i did but as i age i'm realizing that i'm an actual mess. 
i drive my husband nuts because i have no systems. 
but the way i do things makes sense to my brain. 
which is probably terrifying. 

my work computer desktop makes people crazy. 
not just my husband. 
i look at them like they are crazy. 
but they are starting to outnumber me. 
so now i'm second guessing the way i do everything. 
maybe systems aren't the devil. 
maybe they make sense sometimes. 
they seem less stressed because of their weird systems. 
but, eh. whatever. i'll start tomorrow. 

i'm not a person who either makes the bed or doesn't.
again, another not system. 

sometimes cat and i are about to make the bed. 
but it looks so cozy and messy we just jump on in and nap. 

and then sometimes i love to make the bed and then drink coffee
and cuddle with blankets on top of the clean, nice and neat made bed. 
and also sometimes i feel like responsible adults should just make the bed. 
and sometimes we have company. 
and sometimes it's nice to have things clean and orderly. 

today is not one of those days. 

today is a rough pain day. 
ethan is so good to me and made me all the coffee this morning. 
he helped me dress and helped me walk. 
it sucks and is so confusing to have such a weak, hurting body. 
i cannot even strength to move myself. 
and, it's quite unexplainable. 
hich is the absolute hardest part. 

he took me to the chiro and i had to have more x-rays and adjustments done. 
my poor, weak body. 
start the violins. 
if you want to add me to your prayer list that'd be AWESOME. 
it's hard for me to explain and it's hard for people to understand because
i look so "normal". but my body is riddled with pain. 
and has been for over 12 years. 

it's OK though. God is good! 
and i've come to find that my pain is quite the blessing. 
just, sometimes it feels too much for me to handle.

so today is a messy bed day. 
i won't get a lot done. 
i'll be weak around the house and wish i could be productive. 
wish i was normal. 
be curious of why all the pain. 
and remember that in all things we can bring glory to God. 
so i will suffer and be confused. 
but i will praise His Holy Name. 

i will rest and be thankful. 
cat doesn't leave my side when i'm hurting bad. 
she gets it. 
and she loves well. and cute. 
so we'll nap together on this messy love burt bed. 

my heart is so full. 
i am so grateful. 
this wave of heavy pain will pass and i'll be back to my normal type of daily pain. 
which i long for on these worse days. 
 i'll get work done again. 
 i'll unpack and do laundry. 
 be able to curl my hair again. 
and prepare meals. 

and my husband will kiss me and call me his lovely bride. 
and cat will be fluffy and sweet. 
i'll listen to worship music as tears stream down my face. 
my God loves me and is so so beautiful. 
one day i'll be Home. 
so i can get through the bad days.