as soon as a writing is ready to come out
it's like an explosion of happy and anxiety in my body.
it moves me in a really ungraceful way around my house.
i brush my teeth and grab my robe and rush out to the office.
i touch the electric kettle on my way out so the water can boil
and i can make a cup of v-drip coffee. because i'm fancy.
i get out to the office and i start up my computer.
i pretend it's a vintage typewriter and i get to work.
it's a darling typewriter and i'm also in paris and there's fresh pale pink flowers on my desk
and the tallest windows ever are open and i can hear the people outside and smell bread.
but really it's a darling little office in danville, illinois.
it's cold out here because the builders built this room on later and thought it'd be cute
to forget the vents and heat and stuff.
and it'll forever be better than paris because my charming husband is sleeping in our bed
with our cat either at his feet or on his chest.
he'll have a pillow over his face because he's a weird human.
and as soon as he wakes he will be out here to greet me as his
"beautiful wife" and we'll embrace.
so the only way any of this would be better is if we actually both went to paris.
but, back to work.
there are so many things to say about this week!
i'm stupid excited to share.
things that happened or just are or stuff about ethan or things that i feel currently :
i moved this cute bench to the end of our bed.
it's just delightful and i don't know why i haven't had it there all this time.
a dear friend (that i've never met in person but adore all the same)
sent me the kindest and BEST gift box this week in the mail.
the two cutest shirts i could ever own now and a fantastic book written by her mother about christian womanhood,
that i cannot wait to dive into,
and a hand written card with pure gold inside that she has written with her heart.
just for me. because god told her i needed it.
and i was blessed.
i have asked someone to be my newest mentor.
this was a heavy but cool one.
i've never asked someone to be my mentor.
mentors have just happened to me, for me. in the perfect time.
i am endlessly thankful for who i consider to be my two women mentors.
but they are both far away now.
I can visit them, plan to, would love to, and they visit back here and it is always grand.
to hug them, share in tea and talks with them.
they still bless me from far away but i.need.in.danville.
this is my life now, this is my place.
i've felt sorry for myself long enough, i pursued my mentor this time.
i need new people to surround myself with.
and i found one that is to be my mentor.
i asked her.
it was cute and fun and we joked that it was like asking someone to go steady with me.
or that we needed to sign some papers.
she's just the best and i've prayed about this and about her. and i just knew.
so i was relieved when she was thrilled and said yes.
and it means the most to me that my husband agrees and approves.
he's just the guy i respect the most and
so when he thinks i'm doing something awesome it assures me.
then, dinner and game night with my parents.
we had my mom and dad over last night.
ethan helped clean up the house. bless his beautiful, sexy pants soul.
i made green chili chicken enchiladas, the incredible recipe from my sister in law.
and brownies for game time.
we prayed and ate and talked and shared.
then we gamed.
i always seem to forget just how competitive i am until ethan points out that i'm pretty vicious to him during game time.
i would say i'm sorry but it will just happen again. and he knows it.
i come to win. and don't you cross me.
it's cute tho, right?
we gamed and laughed and i'm thankful for parents who will come visit us in our home and
love on our cat and enjoy in food and fellowship with us.
dad got seconds on the meal. and that's just about the best praise you can get.
i had breakfast with a friend in my home this week too.
she's a another darling woman i am blessed to have in my life.
i made blueberry pancakes with sausage and fruit and pomegranate juice.
we talked about how she's about to become a wife.
she's looking for a home with her guy.
we love them.
we're also their photographers so extra special and all the teary happy emotions.
at their engagement session they paused for a moment to say "how does it feel to know what if you weren't our photographers you'd be in our wedding?"
and i cannot even tell you.
i did hold it together but i wanted to fall apart.
we have become so close to this couple. it's just beautiful.
ethan and i shared a plate of these most awesome food
this week on our day in indy.
and i decided something.
food is absolutely a best part of living.
food and fellowship.
ethan found this swanky little place and we ventured in.
after arguing that i just needed lazy food like a cheeseburger and bacon,
because i was just too hungry to even handle the fancy food and the sprouts.
he ordered for me and i told him i'm sorry and i'll trust him.
and the cute, i think newly engaged girl because i looked at her hand and asked to see her ring and
congratulated her and she was extra giddy and lovely about it, waitress brought us our meal.
it tasted like springtime. and a far distant, beautiful land.
and we were there.
and, also i'm not kidding, the best french fries i've ever had.
I don't know what they did.
we told our girl that we loved this food.
she said she gets it. she had it for lunch and it's extremely popular there.
we all smiled and talked.
and i just love food.
it's been a huge delight in my marriage.
ethan loves surprising me.
i love eating.
he knows what i like or if i'm feeling adventurous.
we escape into a booth.
we travel all over the world with each bite.
and we get to go together.
then later we went to a book store.
and an adorable french looking girl (so i love her.)
with short hair and a cute hat and scarf and a pile of books
came up to me while i was looking at all the ayn rand books,
and said she knows me. from instagram.
i feel like i made a fool of myself because i was nervous.
but she was kind and we just chatted for too few of minutes.
how cool, though!?
all the connections.
and i'm so thankful.
i will be visiting her and taking her out for coffee my very next trip to indy.
then we were trying to decide what books to get and another adorable girl,
I swear, all the adorable girls live in that book store in indy,
told us it was a good pick.
she was currently reading it in a comfy chair next to us.
so we got it. for 3 bucks.
and then got one more from the same author because the (again, adorable and killer red hair)
girl at the front desk suggested we read it. and then come back to talk to her about it when we're finished. done, and done.
a total of 9 dollars was spent on books.
but we met several hearts and they make me want to come back again, know them,
discuss books with them. and drink coffee.
i think 25 will be my new love for reading year.
and my not be afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone year. i've kinda had that going my whole life, but more intentional thoughts about it now.
i've been that girl that's like "well if it's not a christian author i can't read it. because i only want to grow in the lord and blah blah blah and i'm annoying"
but now that i'm writing and venturing out into this crazy scary world,
i'm seeing the beauty in all the writing.
and i just can't take it in fast enough.
i'm reading so many books at once.
I don't care who they are or how famous they are or how many pages it is or what it's about.
the little things this week that are becoming the big things.
you know when you look back you can see the importance of the little things?
and you wished that you would've realized they were the big things?
i'm seeing them now.
i'm doing that now.
i'm now waiting to be old and realize what i should've been doing all along.
i'm allowing them to overcome my whole soul.
so here's just one example,
the way the sink feels after ethan just cleaned it.
it doesn't feel the same after i clean it.
after i clean it it feels like an annoyed, bitter woman has been here.
but after he cleans it, i can feel his servant heart and his kindness.
i can feel the pure, sacrificial love in the clean.
and it makes me thankful for his work, for his actions of love.
he doesn't care as much about the bathroom sink.
but he knows i really like it to be clean.
so when he asks me what i need help with as i'm getting dinner started and i say
"living room, bathroom, bedroom"
he just does it.
i'm not letting that just pass quickly and then
be upset when the sink is dirty three days later because we're filthy.
i'm keeping it in my heart.
and i will be aware of the feel that my heart & attitude bring to each room.
we made a decision this week that i am both excited for, and extremely nervous about.
we drove around for locations for this weekends wedding when the subject came up.
i had no idea the final decision would be made so soon, but it was.
so, decision made.
and then i decided to just say it.
"why am i so excited about this decision but then i'm also like oh my gosh i'm so scared
and what about all the things and are we sure this is right or not and how can we really know and hold me"
and then ethan told me it's fear.
and he gave me a really beautiful explanation and analogy
and then i saw the light and gosh i love him.
i am 25.
hear me roar.
this is very difficult!
i do seek seek wise counsel. we do.
i do pray about it. we do.
i do take it to god. we do.
i do feel led by the holy spirit. we do.
but still, i have this crippling fear that i'm making a mistake because someone might think so.
and tell me so. loudly and meanly.
aND THEN I CAN'T MOVE.
i'm slowly but surely working out of this.
because this is not spirit led.
this is fear of man.
and we are warned against that.
so i'm really excited to move forward.
tough decisions have to be made as an adult.
as a business owner.
as a family.
aS christ follower.
but we make them.
and we pray for clarity and guidance.
and we do not move forward in fear.
we move forward in full confidence.
for the lord will be my confidence.
and only he will guard my feet.